“Who cares if one more light goes out? Well, I do.” – Linkin Park
Hello! I’m MK.
While I have always been open about my struggles, the death of Chester Bennington made me feel the need to speak louder. Thing is, I had always looked up to Chester. I remember being 11 and screaming “Crawling” and “In The End” on the days I just felt off. When he died, I broke. I thought I had been broken before, but something in me snapped and made me realize I had let myself go. I was falling in a downward spiral so bad, that if I didn’t change things, I knew I wouldn’t make it to the end of that year.
But what did I have to be sad about? Who cares? I just was. I stopped caring about my husband and my marriage was cracking, I was lost in post-college life in a job that was literally stealing my happiness and killing me.
So I quit. I got a new job. I worked things out with my husband. I began to work out a little. And here I am, a year after his death, and I’m standing (sometimes sitting) again.
I’m a Fur mom to Cats and the sweetest pit bull ever. My husband, I also raise Snakes. I am about to be a first-time mom. And I am a Marine’s Wife.
I also have been diagnosed with an Anxiety Depressive Disorder, I am a Sexual Assault Survivor, I am a person who self-harmed, and I am human.
I always do my best to listen before reacting, but sometimes I jump to speak my mind. I will do my best to talk as openly as I can about my panic attacks, triggers, struggles with being a new mom, struggles with being in married to a man in the infantry, etc.
And my only hope is that someone will hear me. I’ve been told by friends that if you listen closely, you will always hear my voice screaming “WELL, I DO!” into the universe. Because everyone’s light is important. And I refuse to watch another light go out.
MK September 2, 2018.